Sunday, January 31, 2010

Quite time = me time

The boys are asleep, earls in the garage, the house is quite, this rocks!!!!

I've come to conclusion that some times I'm just going to have to choose. Time for me or sleep!

Davin has now settled into some what of a night time schedule. His witchy hour has settled into a start of just after supper, around 6-7. He's awake and fussy till about 10pm. At this point he seems to sleep about 4-5 hours. Now, here in lies the choice. I can go to bed when he does and get 4-5 hours sleep, or I could do things for myself, listen to music (which I haven't been able to do in ages), blog, scrapbook, watch my shows etc. I think I have to find some balance. I have to know when my body is telling me, STOP STUPID GO TO BED!!! But sometimes its so hard to sleep when I want to do so many other things, things I don't really want to do when the kids are awake mostly because I would be distracted, or intrupted, which is worse then not doing it at all. I know I need more sleep, I'm grumpy and emotional lately. The baby blues are over, I know the cause of my ailment. I just simply need to sleep, but whats a mom to do? I just can't win right now. Here's hopeing things will improve with time. Some day I'll be able to put both kids to bed at the same time. Some day I'll have time for me, time for my husband!

Speaking of that. I have my docter's apointment on Tues Feb 2. It's the check, you know to let me know if I can start excering to lose the weight I gained, give me the okay to well you know. I'm finding that second part somewhat dreading. I simply have no interest!!!! I'm so not looking forward to having to, grrrr, I could just simply live without it right now. It just feels like something else I have to find time to do! Grrr like I don't have enoph, screw off, go away, don't touch me. What do you want? Those are my thoughts, how does one turn this around?

Well that's it for me ladies, have a good one.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

time flys

Time is just flying!!! I can't believe Davin is already a month old! He's changing so much more quickly then Evan it seems. Probably because I don't have the time to just sit and stare at him all day. I'm constantly doing something it seems. I'm feeding one, while putting a straw in a juice box for the other. I'm crafting with one with the other fussing in my arms. The only time it seems I get is when Evan is asleep for the night and the other decides to put off evening witch hour. That's when I seem to have time to do things like write in my blog. The days seem to be melding together into one long day of no sleep, bottles, and impatient 3 year olds. At least Evan is proud of his brother. No mater where we go he tells everyone that he is a big brother, and his brother's name is Davin. He also gives baby kisses and gentle hugs. He does get jealous some times and asks me to put a screaming Davin down so he get get snuggles too. My monster of a 3 year old is just to big to give both snuggles at the same time at this point so I just have to do the one arm hug and hope that's enough.

Today we had a funny moment. Evan gave Davin a pat on the tummy and laughed like crazy when Davin's response was a fart. lol. Boys will be Boys and I just couldn't help laughing too.

First thing in the morning seems to be the most trying time. This morning Davin was up just 3 min before Evan. Earl had already left for work so I was on my own. Trying to tell a hungry 3 year old he has to wait until the baby is feed is like talking to a brick wall! But I managed. It meant putting Davin down before I could give him a good burp which lead to morning witch hours of catastrophic proportions. I'll never do that again, I guess I'll just have to deal with a whinny 3 year old, or grow another set of arms.

Well that's all I have to report. Have a good one.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Day ONE and TWO


The first day went pretty good, better then I thought it would anyway. I didn't set the house on fire, I didn't yell to much at Evan, and I didn't really lose my mind. The only hard part came at about 3pm when Evan started getting mouthy. I did try my very best not to get mouthy back. Just you wait till they can talk back ladies. The first time they actually scream "NO" in your face your patience gets very thin, very fast. So there was some voice raising during time outs when he just wouldn't stay in time out. I even physically had to sit him back down on the floor. Lets face it mom's we can't be perfect all the time. I knew it's because Evan was getting tired, and after about 2 or 3 days of in the house time, he starts to get a little grumpy. He's a mover and a shaker so I can't blame him to much. I feel like the walls are closing in on my after 2 days without going out, so I can't understand the need. I do have to say this is normal, nothing new for him, his character hasn't changed since Davin's arrival. He's actually rather patient when it comes to the time I have to spend with baby so far...well as patient as a 3 year could be anyway. The time from 3pm till Earl gets home is when it got really bad. I got a splitting headache, I just wanted some silence! When Earl got home he set me free for the evening, which I greatly needed. So I took some advil and went to walmart and Jordanna's house for a visit. I felt refreshed for the day to come.


Today being day two I was at my exhaustion point. Davin was up till 1am, then again at 3:30am. Evan got me up at 4:30am for some reason that I was to groggy to remember nothing dire anyway, then he was awake again at 5:30am!!!! I needed a nap, which meant that Evan needed a nap, which he did. His little eyes where as black as night, so I set out the morning to force nap time. I didn't want a repeat of day one starting at 3pm so I struck a deal. I would play with him for 3 hours, then we would have lunch and make baby bottles (he likes to shack them), then we will have a nap together in Mommies bed. He agreed, he promised, I had some hope. We played happily all morning while I downed an entire pot of coffee. While we where making lunch/ bottles I reminded him of our deal. He still agreed, my heart exploded with hope. After lunch, the fight began. I simply put him in time out till he agreed to come quietly. I knew he needed a nap as much as I did, so yes I pushed it! I'm not ashamed! I'm rested! He was in time out for about 5 min when he decided it was funner to nap then to sit there. He slept for 2 hours, and so did I! whot,whot!!! If only Davin didn't wake up for a feeding I bet he would have slept longer. Oh well, it made it so he was tired again by 9pm for bed time (7pm with no nap). As for the 3pm crazies? Not there!!! But I did get my headache...maybe its all the coffee? Or maybe I just need to make an afternoon pot.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


Yesterday I cried, suddenly, with out warning. Those of you who know me know this already, but for those of you who don't, I'm normally an emotional person. But bursting into tears for no reason at all is not normal, even for me. What the heck!!! I think it was just baby blues... really nature!, do I need any more on my plate.

Earl (the hubby) was present in the room. I was reading Evan the little engine that could. The TV had just screwed up (again) Evan wanted my attention, it was 6pm, 1 hour to bed time. Had I had enough? I know to ask for help blah, blah, blah. Earl has been really helpful, to a point. I've been asking him to clean the fish tanks for a month. Why can't he just do it!!!! It bugs me. I think we're going to get rid of one. Anyone want a 33 Gal fish tank with stand? I know it seems small but it's one less thing to clean, to feed, to care for. I'll get a plant for that corner, which means I get to shop for one, yah that sounds fun. Shopping for something for me! This doesn't happen, not for items that I don't "need" or even sometimes for things I need. Eventually I put my foot down, and say " NO I need more then one pair of pants!" Yup now I'm just blabbing, sorry. Where was I...oh the tears, the blues. Normal for a new mom, yup I know. But how does one explain to others the need to just get it out. Earl looked at me with worry in his eyes, I couldn't explain it to myself, let alone him. The trigger was the TV, I know it was, just one more thing to worry about, to handle, to fix when I don't know how. There have been other triggers since I came home, the frozen flowers was the last one. My sis in Ohio sent me flowers, they where frozen, in them where Iris's (not only my fav flower, but my past mom's name) it was so sad, the symbolism of it all! The only thing I'd gotten just for me! My fav thing, frozen, dead! It still makes me sad, even with the beautiful replacement.

Once again something more to deal with the hormones I mean, maybe a snooze on the couch will help, maybe I'm tired? Hungry? Maybe I need a hot shower? All of these things? I'll give it a try. But there is one thing I do know, that fish tank has got to go!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Feelings of Dread

When #2 Davin was born I had very little fears at first. I'd been there done that, or so I thought. It wasn't until I arrived home with our new family member that it really hit me that I now had to divide my time, my attention between a very needy new born and my high maintenance 3 year old. Not to mention my 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 fish tanks, my house, myself and oh yah my husband too. I'm forgetting to eat, to sleep, and to shower. My days have become a blur of bottles, diapers, bum wiping (both boys), tidying, needing a nap, and trying my hardest not to yell, or just plain snap!

All you new mom's out there can relate I'm sure. I think to myself "OMG I kind of smell, okay when was the last time I showered? Thursday? What day is it anyway?" The good thing about all this is there is some balance, believe it or not. I don't feel the need to bring a baby monitor to listen for Davin when I leave the room to do laundry. As a mother of #2 I know if he crys for a moment, he'll live. If I don't get that bottle in his mouth the second he wakes up, he'll live. If his sleeper has a bit of spit up in it, he'll live...and so will I. So in that regard there is a reprieve from the insanity. But when he sleeps it's Evan's time. When baby doesn't need me Evan does. I've tryed my best to give him my attention when baby doesn't need it. But I've reached a bit of a burn out stage. I just don't feel like it!!! I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I'm hormonal! I don't want to clean up playdoe bits any more, I don't feel like reading or making crafts. I'm running out of idea's! I feel horrible for feeling this way. But what can I do? I just have to swallow it and read that book to Evan for the hundredth time, I have to clean up the playdoe bits, I have to find a craft idea some where in my half asleep brain.

I look into my future weeks with feelings of pure dread. What am I doing to do when hubby goes back to work? What am I going to do with Evan everyday? How am I going to make it through a day when Davin is awake till 1am, and wakes me up again at 5 am, then Evan is up at 6am? How am I going to function without setting the house on fire because I left the oven burner on? I've been told you just do it, you survive. I guess I'll see...