Monday, February 22, 2010

A little better, but still kindof sucks.

Well I sware that Davin knows when his dad is home. For 3 days he didn't act up, no morning witchys that I noticed. But today, again with the screaming! I think its not that there is no witchys, it's more of a distraction thing for me. When Earl is home I have some one to talk to, I'm not worried about getting things done. Or rather I have some one else to keep him quite while I'm doing them. Once again I was vanless today so that was hard. Tomorrow I put my foot down and told the Earl I must, must, must have my van. So I'm going to take Evan to the play park tomorrow around 10am. That way I'm distracted from Davin's witchys and he seems to like it more when he's got something else to distract him as well.

Needless to say I'm looking forward to the 3 month mark. Every thing changes for the better. I'm also looking forward to going back to work, I can get my zen back and get payed for it. I'm also once again looking forward to spring. I can take Evan to the park and not worry so much about packing up both kids to actually go somewhere. Not to mention my garden which is my true love. I've been walking through the seasonal sections at the stores and I can feel the spring itch starting up again. Here's hoping for an early spring, unlike last year when we had snow in May. So much to look forward to, I just wish it would hurry up and get there.

That's it for me ladies. Have a good one.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Today was a little better

I was again up almost all night with Davin. I've come to the conclusion that it's his cold. You know how when your sick you seem to feel sicker at night and first thing in the morning? I think it's the same with him and of course I'm still not feeling totally healthy. My lack of sleep has contributed to not being able to get better. Both those things have made everything so much more stressful then if I was just tired. Coughing with a baby screaming in your arms isn't fun. Either is having a sinus headache with baby screaming and a 3 year old asking every minute for a glass of milk.

I did have a little crying this morning due to sleep deprivation and sickness. I would have gone out, found a distraction, dumped one or both kids of some where, with some one, but I didn't have my van! I phoned Earl and tore a strip off him for that one today. He said "all you have to do is tell me you need it." I said "I shouldn't have to plan it retard!" He understands my frustration. I couldn't pack up take Davin for a drive to calm him, take Evan to the park (at least) to run him. I was trapped all week.

We went into Paradise Pets to pick up this months free bag of pet food tonight, so I'm feeling alittle better, at least I got out of the house. Work despite it being work is peaceful, I have fun there, I have people to talk to, an outlet for my pent up energy. I can pick a project and work alone, or I can chat it up with the great people who work there. I left a note for Adrian to put me on the schedule for March. I asked for 2 week nights a week and the full Sunday shift. We'll see how it goes, if its to much I can always cut back.

Earl took tomorrow off so I'm not facing the Davin brake down alone, just watch he'll go right to sleep, isn't that always the way it goes! He is also taking both kids all night and into the morning so I can just sleep. I'm making him do it for at least 2 nights in a row, and I think I'm going to take off in the afternoon sometime tomorrow, I need a brake and food for my Discovery party tomorrow.

After the pet store we went for a little drive. I layed it all out for Earl. He brought up post partom, I'm almost positive that hormones aren't the case of my freak out this week. I was sick, tired beyond anything I've ever experienced, and I felt totally trapped with no outlet to depend on. No van to get out of the house, no way to dump my kids with some one and get away. I also told him I need some cash for entertainment. I wish I could go away for one week so he could get a sense of how hard it is to deal with screaming baby and entertain a 3 year old 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. I put it all down and said if he doesn't use some money at the end of the month to make things easier on me, I will go insane! Evan needs to go to preschool in the fall and we need to get him into some programs asap. I need the brake! I need some one else to think of something to do with him for a change, and he needs that energy outlet. Earl promised to get this stuff done when he gets his bonus at the end of the month. He said I could get a pair of jeans or something at the end of the month too, I told him flat out in disgust, I don't want anything like that, I need something to do you idiot! I just don't feel like I have FUN anymore, that all comes down to not doing anything!!!!

The day that money goes into the account I'm going to hold him to this, no backing out, no more excuses! If he even tries it, I'll knee him in the groin!!!!!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Crap day #2

Well despite a visit with Vicky and Cindy in the morning for a play date, my day was still full of frustration. Davin was once again a fuss pot. I had to leave him screaming in his chair just so I could make Evan and I lunch, and that was after my sister told me to just do it! It was stressful but at least Evan was happy, which didn't add to further upset me.

I'm still not sure why he's suddenly grumpy these days. It could be he's got our cold since he's a little snarfly, or maybe he doesn't like baby dry pampers since we've been using swaddlers before now (I've changed that so I guess we'll see), it could also be growing pains. If this continues tomorrow and Friday morning I'm taking him to the Doctor to see if it's something hurting in his chest from the cold. The worst that could happen is Doc A telling me its fine right? He has such a busy office, I hate to take him in for no reason. I'm so used to being able to ask what's wrong, I'd forgotten how frustrating it can be with the guessing game. He's so different then Evan was, Evan was so easy! He ate 4 ounces every 4 hours. I could set my watch, plan my day, I knew what to expect. Well, until it changed that is. But Evan and I had a rhythm, a plan despite the changes that came with him getting older. With Davin every day seems to be different. Different bed time, different feeding amounts, different everything, every day and every night. I guess I really jinked myself when I said this baby would be the spawn of satin. I guess I should have knocked on wood every time I cracked that joke. Not that I truly feel that way, I mean I love Davin, but I could have chocked both kids today and yesterday.

What I do know as of right now is I'm done! No more after this, I don't think my sanity can take it. I'm dreading tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Worst Day Ever

Today was the worst mommy day I've ever had!!!!!

1. Davin was up almost all night. I got about 2 hours, then 1 hour of sleep. It was a uber long night, and I'm sooo tired.

2. Davin was awake and fussy almost all day too. He would sleep for about 45 min at a time, then was awake and hungry, grassy or just plain pissed at the world.

3. Of course since most of my day was focused on Davin, Evan was being a grumpy guss too. Mouthy, needy and being just a plain old jerk!

4. My attempt at dinner turned into meat mush, long story, ask me when you see me.

All in all, I cried twice, pulled my hair out once, and hid in the laundry room 5 times to just breath through it. I was so frazeled I felt like getting in my van and driving away! When Earl got home I tuned out for a bit and listened to music, I feel much better now. But I'm not looking forward to another day like that.

Monday, February 15, 2010

My thoughts

Since the Olympics started the live feed has rearly left our TV screen. Just the odd show for Evan while I must go do something important like make bottles or pee. Like always the TV during the day is just back round noise, but I have found myself glancing up and paying attention when the crowd really screams, that's how I know one of our athletes is on. I've been paying attention to the gold metal aspirations that up until last night didn't happen. I watched most of the men's and women's speed skating, a bronze won there, the ladies moguls with its silver medal moment. Both fab of course but not the gold moment Canada was waiting for.

The Earl and I where watching intently at the mogul men finals, since they are just fun to watch and as far as they where saying we had a good chance at gold...again. I have to say if Davin wasn't on my lap drinking a bottle I would have leaped out of my seat! What a moving moment. So touching and powerful. His older handy capped brother yelling, his little sister shocked and surprised. His mom and dad crying as the crowd around them cheered and chanted their son's name.
I also must give my thoughts on this historical moment. This is what was going through my mind besides the obvious thoughts above.

1. He seemed like a sweet guy from all his interviews. The announcer called him an old soul, I'm glad the nice guy got the prize.
2. I'm relieved he's pretty good looking because we're going to see a lot of him.

LOL yup that's it. Have a nice one ladies.