Thursday, February 18, 2010

Today was a little better

I was again up almost all night with Davin. I've come to the conclusion that it's his cold. You know how when your sick you seem to feel sicker at night and first thing in the morning? I think it's the same with him and of course I'm still not feeling totally healthy. My lack of sleep has contributed to not being able to get better. Both those things have made everything so much more stressful then if I was just tired. Coughing with a baby screaming in your arms isn't fun. Either is having a sinus headache with baby screaming and a 3 year old asking every minute for a glass of milk.

I did have a little crying this morning due to sleep deprivation and sickness. I would have gone out, found a distraction, dumped one or both kids of some where, with some one, but I didn't have my van! I phoned Earl and tore a strip off him for that one today. He said "all you have to do is tell me you need it." I said "I shouldn't have to plan it retard!" He understands my frustration. I couldn't pack up take Davin for a drive to calm him, take Evan to the park (at least) to run him. I was trapped all week.

We went into Paradise Pets to pick up this months free bag of pet food tonight, so I'm feeling alittle better, at least I got out of the house. Work despite it being work is peaceful, I have fun there, I have people to talk to, an outlet for my pent up energy. I can pick a project and work alone, or I can chat it up with the great people who work there. I left a note for Adrian to put me on the schedule for March. I asked for 2 week nights a week and the full Sunday shift. We'll see how it goes, if its to much I can always cut back.

Earl took tomorrow off so I'm not facing the Davin brake down alone, just watch he'll go right to sleep, isn't that always the way it goes! He is also taking both kids all night and into the morning so I can just sleep. I'm making him do it for at least 2 nights in a row, and I think I'm going to take off in the afternoon sometime tomorrow, I need a brake and food for my Discovery party tomorrow.

After the pet store we went for a little drive. I layed it all out for Earl. He brought up post partom, I'm almost positive that hormones aren't the case of my freak out this week. I was sick, tired beyond anything I've ever experienced, and I felt totally trapped with no outlet to depend on. No van to get out of the house, no way to dump my kids with some one and get away. I also told him I need some cash for entertainment. I wish I could go away for one week so he could get a sense of how hard it is to deal with screaming baby and entertain a 3 year old 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. I put it all down and said if he doesn't use some money at the end of the month to make things easier on me, I will go insane! Evan needs to go to preschool in the fall and we need to get him into some programs asap. I need the brake! I need some one else to think of something to do with him for a change, and he needs that energy outlet. Earl promised to get this stuff done when he gets his bonus at the end of the month. He said I could get a pair of jeans or something at the end of the month too, I told him flat out in disgust, I don't want anything like that, I need something to do you idiot! I just don't feel like I have FUN anymore, that all comes down to not doing anything!!!!

The day that money goes into the account I'm going to hold him to this, no backing out, no more excuses! If he even tries it, I'll knee him in the groin!!!!!

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