A little better, but still kindof sucks.

Well I sware that Davin knows when his dad is home. For 3 days he didn't act up, no morning witchys that I noticed. But today, again with the screaming! I think its not that there is no witchys, it's more of a distraction thing for me. When Earl is home I have some one to talk to, I'm not worried about getting things done. Or rather I have some one else to keep him quite while I'm doing them. Once again I was vanless today so that was hard. Tomorrow I put my foot down and told the Earl I must, must, must have my van. So I'm going to take Evan to the play park tomorrow around 10am. That way I'm distracted from Davin's witchys and he seems to like it more when he's got something else to distract him as well.

Needless to say I'm looking forward to the 3 month mark. Every thing changes for the better. I'm also looking forward to going back to work, I can get my zen back and get payed for it. I'm also once again looking forward to spring. I can take Evan to the park and not worry so much about packing up both kids to actually go somewhere. Not to mention my garden which is my true love. I've been walking through the seasonal sections at the stores and I can feel the spring itch starting up again. Here's hoping for an early spring, unlike last year when we had snow in May. So much to look forward to, I just wish it would hurry up and get there.

That's it for me ladies. Have a good one.

Today was a little better

I was again up almost all night with Davin. I've come to the conclusion that it's his cold. You know how when your sick you seem to feel sicker at night and first thing in the morning? I think it's the same with him and of course I'm still not feeling totally healthy. My lack of sleep has contributed to not being able to get better. Both those things have made everything so much more stressful then if I was just tired. Coughing with a baby screaming in your arms isn't fun. Either is having a sinus headache with baby screaming and a 3 year old asking every minute for a glass of milk.


I did have a little crying this morning due to sleep deprivation and sickness. I would have gone out, found a distraction, dumped one or both kids of some where, with some one, but I didn't have my van! I phoned Earl and tore a strip off him for that one today. He said "all you have to do is tell me you need it." I said "I shouldn't have to plan it retard!" He understands my frustration. I couldn't pack up take Davin for a drive to calm him, take Evan to the park (at least) to run him. I was trapped all week.

We went into Paradise Pets to pick up this months free bag of pet food tonight, so I'm feeling alittle better, at least I got out of the house. Work despite it being work is peaceful, I have fun there, I have people to talk to, an outlet for my pent up energy. I can pick a project and work alone, or I can chat it up with the great people who work there. I left a note for Adrian to put me on the schedule for March. I asked for 2 week nights a week and the full Sunday shift. We'll see how it goes, if its to much I can always cut back.

Earl took tomorrow off so I'm not facing the Davin brake down alone, just watch he'll go right to sleep, isn't that always the way it goes! He is also taking both kids all night and into the morning so I can just sleep. I'm making him do it for at least 2 nights in a row, and I think I'm going to take off in the afternoon sometime tomorrow, I need a brake and food for my Discovery party tomorrow.

After the pet store we went for a little drive. I layed it all out for Earl. He brought up post partom, I'm almost positive that hormones aren't the case of my freak out this week. I was sick, tired beyond anything I've ever experienced, and I felt totally trapped with no outlet to depend on. No van to get out of the house, no way to dump my kids with some one and get away. I also told him I need some cash for entertainment. I wish I could go away for one week so he could get a sense of how hard it is to deal with screaming baby and entertain a 3 year old 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. I put it all down and said if he doesn't use some money at the end of the month to make things easier on me, I will go insane! Evan needs to go to preschool in the fall and we need to get him into some programs asap. I need the brake! I need some one else to think of something to do with him for a change, and he needs that energy outlet. Earl promised to get this stuff done when he gets his bonus at the end of the month. He said I could get a pair of jeans or something at the end of the month too, I told him flat out in disgust, I don't want anything like that, I need something to do you idiot! I just don't feel like I have FUN anymore, that all comes down to not doing anything!!!!

The day that money goes into the account I'm going to hold him to this, no backing out, no more excuses! If he even tries it, I'll knee him in the groin!!!!!

Crap day #2

Well despite a visit with Vicky and Cindy in the morning for a play date, my day was still full of frustration. Davin was once again a fuss pot. I had to leave him screaming in his chair just so I could make Evan and I lunch, and that was after my sister told me to just do it! It was stressful but at least Evan was happy, which didn't add to further upset me.

I'm still not sure why he's suddenly grumpy these days. It could be he's got our cold since he's a little snarfly, or maybe he doesn't like baby dry pampers since we've been using swaddlers before now (I've changed that so I guess we'll see), it could also be growing pains. If this continues tomorrow and Friday morning I'm taking him to the Doctor to see if it's something hurting in his chest from the cold. The worst that could happen is Doc A telling me its fine right? He has such a busy office, I hate to take him in for no reason. I'm so used to being able to ask what's wrong, I'd forgotten how frustrating it can be with the guessing game. He's so different then Evan was, Evan was so easy! He ate 4 ounces every 4 hours. I could set my watch, plan my day, I knew what to expect. Well, until it changed that is. But Evan and I had a rhythm, a plan despite the changes that came with him getting older. With Davin every day seems to be different. Different bed time, different feeding amounts, different everything, every day and every night. I guess I really jinked myself when I said this baby would be the spawn of satin. I guess I should have knocked on wood every time I cracked that joke. Not that I truly feel that way, I mean I love Davin, but I could have chocked both kids today and yesterday.

What I do know as of right now is I'm done! No more after this, I don't think my sanity can take it. I'm dreading tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Worst Day Ever

Today was the worst mommy day I've ever had!!!!!

1. Davin was up almost all night. I got about 2 hours, then 1 hour of sleep. It was a uber long night, and I'm sooo tired.

2. Davin was awake and fussy almost all day too. He would sleep for about 45 min at a time, then was awake and hungry, grassy or just plain pissed at the world.

3. Of course since most of my day was focused on Davin, Evan was being a grumpy guss too. Mouthy, needy and being just a plain old jerk!

4. My attempt at dinner turned into meat mush, long story, ask me when you see me.

All in all, I cried twice, pulled my hair out once, and hid in the laundry room 5 times to just breath through it. I was so frazeled I felt like getting in my van and driving away! When Earl got home I tuned out for a bit and listened to music, I feel much better now. But I'm not looking forward to another day like that.

My thoughts

Since the Olympics started the live feed has rearly left our TV screen. Just the odd show for Evan while I must go do something important like make bottles or pee. Like always the TV during the day is just back round noise, but I have found myself glancing up and paying attention when the crowd really screams, that's how I know one of our athletes is on. I've been paying attention to the gold metal aspirations that up until last night didn't happen. I watched most of the men's and women's speed skating, a bronze won there, the ladies moguls with its silver medal moment. Both fab of course but not the gold moment Canada was waiting for.

The Earl and I where watching intently at the mogul men finals, since they are just fun to watch and as far as they where saying we had a good chance at gold...again. I have to say if Davin wasn't on my lap drinking a bottle I would have leaped out of my seat! What a moving moment. So touching and powerful. His older handy capped brother yelling, his little sister shocked and surprised. His mom and dad crying as the crowd around them cheered and chanted their son's name.

I also must give my thoughts on this historical moment. This is what was going through my mind besides the obvious thoughts above.

1. He seemed like a sweet guy from all his interviews. The announcer called him an old soul, I'm glad the nice guy got the prize.

2. I'm relieved he's pretty good looking because we're going to see a lot of him.

LOL yup that's it. Have a nice one ladies.

Thursday's weigh in

Another pound, yup 1 little pound but at least its a loss and not a gain.

I've gone through all the weight watchers stuff and compiled a grocery list to get the food I need to watch what I eat. All I have left to do is make some sort of chart on the computer to track my points etc. I figure between watching what I eat and doing my wii work outs I should see some numbers. I know it will be slow but I'm hoping to see some results. I guess we'll see if my will power will win, or I'll have to join some kind of weight loss program.

I did this when Evan was first born and did okay. I have less time on my hands to sit and snack so here's hoping I can make it work.

Guess we'll see.

OMG what do I do!

Well Evan's cold has now developed into an ear infection. Yup, pain, pain and more pain. Crying, crying and more crying. I've never seen him this miserable and unreasonable. I can understand, but it's still beyond heart breakingly frustrating!!!

First he fought us (Earl and I) tooth and nail to go see his Doctor. He's never been like that before! He wined the whole time we where in the doctors office. Then he fought with Dr A himself to see his ear. Again I've never seen him behave like this!!

So we finally got home after a long ordeal. I ran to safeway to get the meds. Dr A told me to give him the meds plus a dose of Advil for pain. When I got home he took the meds but not the advil. He flat out refused.

So here's my dilemma. He won't take the advil, which stops the pain, the pain is upsetting so he coughs, which causes him to throw up the medicine. So if he would just take the advil and the ear pain stops then all would be fine! I've tried to explain this, but you just can't reason with him. He's so wound up! OMG! I'm so frustrated! I want to help him, but I can't. Not because I can't but because he won't let me. We've tried everything! Bribing with treats and toys. Liquid in case it's hurts to chew, chewable in case the liquid is bugging his throat from coughing. Etc, Etc, Etc.

I'm at a complete loss. I had to walk away to breath, or write about it anyway. Here's hoping Earl can get him calmed down to maybe have a nap, hopefully he'll be more reasonable with some sleep. Pray for me ladies! OMG my head hurts.....

Weight loss and sleepless nights

Well, I stepped on our scale for the first time in over 10 months. I was a little shocked, but also know the loss you see above really isn't true. The starting weight was from my doc office scale and the new number is from home. So either both scales are close to the same and I actually lost 6 pounds or the scales are off and I lost less then that. Either way screw it I'm going to take it! I also did my work out yesterday, today is a scheduled rest day. So that's 3 days of my 30 day challenge down. I'm liking these rest days! That's it on the weight loss front, now on to the mommie news.

The last 2 nights have been the roughest yet. Evan is running a rather nasty fever with a little cough. So the boys tag teamed me the last 2 nights. Thank goodness Earl got up with Evan at 5:30am on Thurs morning, then I had it out with Evan about wanting to go downstairs to play at 4:30am last night. Needless to say sick or not that was not going to happen. I gave him a few toys and told him to stay in his room till he heard Daddy's music come on. He came in and out making excuses of how not to stay in his room as instructed. He pretended to pee, wanted water, then wanted to sleep in our bed. I finally got him to sleep in his around 6:00am. I passed out as soon as my head hit my pillow. I was so exhausted I didn't even hear Evan and Earl get up this morning. Two hours of broken sleep isn't cutting it for this mom. Thank goodness for Earl and his understanding boss. On top of feeding Evan Advil to control his fever and hearing him cough periodically, I think I'm getting the cold too. I can feel the burn of coughs starting in my chest. It's just a little bug, nothing to be worried about. So far Davin just has some snarfles so here's hoping he doesn't develop this cough. If it hasn't passed by Monday Davin has his 6 week check so maybe I'll call and book all of us in at the same time. I guess we'll see where it goes the next couple of nights. Evan kept some food down (throw up because he was coughing), had a nap and seems to be doing a lot better this evening, so I'm sure it will have passed by Monday.

Pray for a restful sleep in the Potter house for me.

Have a great weekend ladies.

Note: official weigh in will be Mondays.

battle of the bulge begins

Well I set out last night to start my battle with the bulge once again. It didn't work out the way I had planed. The boys where crazy last night. Davin up twice and Evan once. So needless to say in my tired state I forgot to weigh in this morning. So I guess I'll weigh in tomorrow (if I remember) I may wait till Mon so I'm accountable for my weekend activities.

There are three things that did go right. I had a good healthy breakfast, and good healthy lunch, and I did my first work out on my Xmas Present. Yup that's right, I asked for a work out game for the Wii, and my lovely hubby delivered. Hey I know I'm fat, I wasn't offended at all, I was excited to get started! I've been itching to see what its all about for a month while I healed. He did the research and found the reviews of ea active the best, so that's what he got me. I have to say it was both challenging and fun! I was feeling the burn and had a good sweat on in the first 30 seconds! That's also keeping in mind I had to take it a little easy because of my unhealed tare, and that was on the easiest level!It makes it so easy to stick to an exercise program. You can build your own program with the fun sports games etc for a fun work out for the kids, or for a more serious effort you can take the 30 day challenge.

I know what your thinking, 30 days!!! Actually its easy. The game only works you out for 20 min and gives in rest days. So I work out tomarrow and take Friday off. There is 3 levels so you have at least 3 months of work outs, not to mention doing it over again. Who can remember that many combos! It tailors your activity according to your weight. Earl's work out was a little different from my own. I had an extra cardio session, and more deep leg work then he did. Then earl and I played some sports drills together and had a good time! Earl and I very rearly do things together as a couple and I have to say it was enjoyable. He wants to go get a second exercise band and leg cuff so we can work out together! I guess we'll see if he sticks with it, with me.

I give this game thus far 5 stars. Now I guess we'll see if I can keep up the challenge and get my 20 min in when I need too. If I can do it with my crazy life at the moment, plus my lack of sleep, any one can!

Quite time = me time

The boys are asleep, earls in the garage, the house is quite, this rocks!!!!

I've come to conclusion that some times I'm just going to have to choose. Time for me or sleep!

Davin has now settled into some what of a night time schedule. His witchy hour has settled into a start of just after supper, around 6-7. He's awake and fussy till about 10pm. At this point he seems to sleep about 4-5 hours. Now, here in lies the choice. I can go to bed when he does and get 4-5 hours sleep, or I could do things for myself, listen to music (which I haven't been able to do in ages), blog, scrapbook, watch my shows etc. I think I have to find some balance. I have to know when my body is telling me, STOP STUPID GO TO BED!!! But sometimes its so hard to sleep when I want to do so many other things, things I don't really want to do when the kids are awake mostly because I would be distracted, or intrupted, which is worse then not doing it at all. I know I need more sleep, I'm grumpy and emotional lately. The baby blues are over, I know the cause of my ailment. I just simply need to sleep, but whats a mom to do? I just can't win right now. Here's hopeing things will improve with time. Some day I'll be able to put both kids to bed at the same time. Some day I'll have time for me, time for my husband!

Speaking of that. I have my docter's apointment on Tues Feb 2. It's the check, you know to let me know if I can start excering to lose the weight I gained, give me the okay to well you know. I'm finding that second part somewhat dreading. I simply have no interest!!!! I'm so not looking forward to having to, grrrr, I could just simply live without it right now. It just feels like something else I have to find time to do! Grrr like I don't have enoph, screw off, go away, don't touch me. What do you want? Those are my thoughts, how does one turn this around?

Well that's it for me ladies, have a good one.

time flys

Time is just flying!!! I can't believe Davin is already a month old! He's changing so much more quickly then Evan it seems. Probably because I don't have the time to just sit and stare at him all day. I'm constantly doing something it seems. I'm feeding one, while putting a straw in a juice box for the other. I'm crafting with one with the other fussing in my arms. The only time it seems I get is when Evan is asleep for the night and the other decides to put off evening witch hour. That's when I seem to have time to do things like write in my blog. The days seem to be melding together into one long day of no sleep, bottles, and impatient 3 year olds. At least Evan is proud of his brother. No mater where we go he tells everyone that he is a big brother, and his brother's name is Davin. He also gives baby kisses and gentle hugs. He does get jealous some times and asks me to put a screaming Davin down so he get get snuggles too. My monster of a 3 year old is just to big to give both snuggles at the same time at this point so I just have to do the one arm hug and hope that's enough.

Today we had a funny moment. Evan gave Davin a pat on the tummy and laughed like crazy when Davin's response was a fart. lol. Boys will be Boys and I just couldn't help laughing too.

First thing in the morning seems to be the most trying time. This morning Davin was up just 3 min before Evan. Earl had already left for work so I was on my own. Trying to tell a hungry 3 year old he has to wait until the baby is feed is like talking to a brick wall! But I managed. It meant putting Davin down before I could give him a good burp which lead to morning witch hours of catastrophic proportions. I'll never do that again, I guess I'll just have to deal with a whinny 3 year old, or grow another set of arms.

Well that's all I have to report. Have a good one.

Day ONE and TWO

DAY ONE

The first day went pretty good, better then I thought it would anyway. I didn't set the house on fire, I didn't yell to much at Evan, and I didn't really lose my mind. The only hard part came at about 3pm when Evan started getting mouthy. I did try my very best not to get mouthy back. Just you wait till they can talk back ladies. The first time they actually scream "NO" in your face your patience gets very thin, very fast. So there was some voice raising during time outs when he just wouldn't stay in time out. I even physically had to sit him back down on the floor. Lets face it mom's we can't be perfect all the time. I knew it's because Evan was getting tired, and after about 2 or 3 days of in the house time, he starts to get a little grumpy. He's a mover and a shaker so I can't blame him to much. I feel like the walls are closing in on my after 2 days without going out, so I can't understand the need. I do have to say this is normal, nothing new for him, his character hasn't changed since Davin's arrival. He's actually rather patient when it comes to the time I have to spend with baby so far...well as patient as a 3 year could be anyway. The time from 3pm till Earl gets home is when it got really bad. I got a splitting headache, I just wanted some silence! When Earl got home he set me free for the evening, which I greatly needed. So I took some advil and went to walmart and Jordanna's house for a visit. I felt refreshed for the day to come.

DAY TWO

Today being day two I was at my exhaustion point. Davin was up till 1am, then again at 3:30am. Evan got me up at 4:30am for some reason that I was to groggy to remember nothing dire anyway, then he was awake again at 5:30am!!!! I needed a nap, which meant that Evan needed a nap, which he did. His little eyes where as black as night, so I set out the morning to force nap time. I didn't want a repeat of day one starting at 3pm so I struck a deal. I would play with him for 3 hours, then we would have lunch and make baby bottles (he likes to shack them), then we will have a nap together in Mommies bed. He agreed, he promised, I had some hope. We played happily all morning while I downed an entire pot of coffee. While we where making lunch/ bottles I reminded him of our deal. He still agreed, my heart exploded with hope. After lunch, the fight began. I simply put him in time out till he agreed to come quietly. I knew he needed a nap as much as I did, so yes I pushed it! I'm not ashamed! I'm rested! He was in time out for about 5 min when he decided it was funner to nap then to sit there. He slept for 2 hours, and so did I! whot,whot!!! If only Davin didn't wake up for a feeding I bet he would have slept longer. Oh well, it made it so he was tired again by 9pm for bed time (7pm with no nap). As for the 3pm crazies? Not there!!! But I did get my headache...maybe its all the coffee? Or maybe I just need to make an afternoon pot.

Blue

Yesterday I cried, suddenly, with out warning. Those of you who know me know this already, but for those of you who don't, I'm normally an emotional person. But bursting into tears for no reason at all is not normal, even for me. What the heck!!! I think it was just baby blues... really nature!, do I need any more on my plate.

Earl (the hubby) was present in the room. I was reading Evan the little engine that could. The TV had just screwed up (again) Evan wanted my attention, it was 6pm, 1 hour to bed time. Had I had enough? I know to ask for help blah, blah, blah. Earl has been really helpful, to a point. I've been asking him to clean the fish tanks for a month. Why can't he just do it!!!! It bugs me. I think we're going to get rid of one. Anyone want a 33 Gal fish tank with stand? I know it seems small but it's one less thing to clean, to feed, to care for. I'll get a plant for that corner, which means I get to shop for one, yah that sounds fun. Shopping for something for me! This doesn't happen, not for items that I don't "need" or even sometimes for things I need. Eventually I put my foot down, and say " NO I need more then one pair of pants!" Yup now I'm just blabbing, sorry. Where was I...oh the tears, the blues. Normal for a new mom, yup I know. But how does one explain to others the need to just get it out. Earl looked at me with worry in his eyes, I couldn't explain it to myself, let alone him. The trigger was the TV, I know it was, just one more thing to worry about, to handle, to fix when I don't know how. There have been other triggers since I came home, the frozen flowers was the last one. My sis in Ohio sent me flowers, they where frozen, in them where Iris's (not only my fav flower, but my past mom's name) it was so sad, the symbolism of it all! The only thing I'd gotten just for me! My fav thing, frozen, dead! It still makes me sad, even with the beautiful replacement.

Once again something more to deal with the hormones I mean, maybe a snooze on the couch will help, maybe I'm tired? Hungry? Maybe I need a hot shower? All of these things? I'll give it a try. But there is one thing I do know, that fish tank has got to go!

Feelings of Dread

When #2 Davin was born I had very little fears at first. I'd been there done that, or so I thought. It wasn't until I arrived home with our new family member that it really hit me that I now had to divide my time, my attention between a very needy new born and my high maintenance 3 year old. Not to mention my 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 fish tanks, my house, myself and oh yah my husband too. I'm forgetting to eat, to sleep, and to shower. My days have become a blur of bottles, diapers, bum wiping (both boys), tidying, needing a nap, and trying my hardest not to yell, or just plain snap!

All you new mom's out there can relate I'm sure. I think to myself "OMG I kind of smell, okay when was the last time I showered? Thursday? What day is it anyway?" The good thing about all this is there is some balance, believe it or not. I don't feel the need to bring a baby monitor to listen for Davin when I leave the room to do laundry. As a mother of #2 I know if he crys for a moment, he'll live. If I don't get that bottle in his mouth the second he wakes up, he'll live. If his sleeper has a bit of spit up in it, he'll live...and so will I. So in that regard there is a reprieve from the insanity. But when he sleeps it's Evan's time. When baby doesn't need me Evan does. I've tryed my best to give him my attention when baby doesn't need it. But I've reached a bit of a burn out stage. I just don't feel like it!!! I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I'm hormonal! I don't want to clean up playdoe bits any more, I don't feel like reading or making crafts. I'm running out of idea's! I feel horrible for feeling this way. But what can I do? I just have to swallow it and read that book to Evan for the hundredth time, I have to clean up the playdoe bits, I have to find a craft idea some where in my half asleep brain.

I look into my future weeks with feelings of pure dread. What am I doing to do when hubby goes back to work? What am I going to do with Evan everyday? How am I going to make it through a day when Davin is awake till 1am, and wakes me up again at 5 am, then Evan is up at 6am? How am I going to function without setting the house on fire because I left the oven burner on? I've been told you just do it, you survive. I guess I'll see...